what can i do to improve on this Formal Letter?
Dear Mr. Brown,
I would like to take this time to tell you about a problem that has had seemingly been unnoticed in the past few years. This problem is Poverty, I do not think a country with a great amount of wealth should have people begging for money and living on the streets. This may be of little interest to you, but I believe that you should take the time to think about this concern.
I have always been a great admirer of your ongoing work, but a problem that keeps nagging me is the plight of the poor in London. They have no shelter, almost no food, but worst of all, no hope. Shouldn’t the UK be spending more time on helping its poor?
There are also problems with the gas and electricity prices, reducing these prices can really help people who have very little money. It can also help old age Pensioners, as you may or may not know, elderly people die because they are too afraid to turn their heaters on thinking they might not be able to afford the power.
With your help that could all change. It may be asking for a lot but what is more important: someone’s life, or money?
In some areas of the country there are empty houses that are not being used, why not give those houses to the homeless people. Giving a homeless person a house can really help them; it can provide them with warmth, shelter and much more.
Think of all the good things that will come out of this dramatic change. If you could put yourself in a poor man’s shoes you could feel the sufferings of this person, I’m sure you will take this all into account and help those who need help because the only hope they have is with you. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter
Yours Sincerely,
Answer by spellczechnow
A few things: try to gain empathy of your reader. If you say this may be of little interest to you – you will piss them off … alienate
However versus but will help shound
Dear Mr. Brown,
I would like to take this time to advise you about a problem that has seemingly been unnoticed in the past few years. The problem is Poverty. I do not think a wealthy country should have people begging for money and living on the streets. I realize you are quite busy; however, but I implore you to take the time to consider this concern.